Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Many tears. Of Joy. Of sadness.

At 1:24 this morning my grandma went home to be w/ the LORD. What a blessing it was that she was able to live at home, healthy and happy right up until just before she passed away. She wanted it that way! Just her and her kitty. Another huge blessing is that my mom was able to be w/ her when she took her last breath here on earth and the angles came and got her. I can't think of a better person to be w/ her for that amazing moment!

I have so many memories and thoughts that I can't even express all of them. I will write more as I remember, because she was worth many posts, not just one!

I dreaded this day from the first moment I learned what death was I think. I spend hours on the phone w/ my grandma when I was little. Sometimes I would call her many times a day. Hers was the first phone number I learned, even before my own. She was grandma, she was my grandma. It wasn't a birthday, Christmas or real family get together unless it was at grandma's.

I do want to be just like her when I grow up. Feisty, fun loving, loved her family w/ her whole heart, always positive, always saw the best in people and situations, loved the LORD, always had a huge interest in our lives no matter where we were in life (even prison:), tough as nails, giving and had a great sense of humor for a 90 year old!

There was a spot on the top of her right hand and when we were little fascinated us. We always asked her what it was and she always told us that it was a pice of lead that had broken off in her hand, under her skin. I think a class mate stabbed her w/ it, it broke off and there is stayed. I now wish I had remembered the details better. I have a feeling I am going to wish that a lot about the memories I have of grandma. You take for granted your grandma when you're so young. It makes me realize that I shouldn't take for granted anything or anyone around me. I wished I hugged her last time I saw her, I wished I'd told her how much she meant to me one more time, told her how much she was loved so thoroughly by all that knew her, especially her grandkids! I know she knew, but everyone likes to hear that.

I spent HOURS baking w/ my grandma when I was little. She taught me a lot in the kitchen. She made a mean pie and chiffon cake:) I wish w/ all my heart that my kids could have known her. I told my mom that she has some huge shoes to fill if she's going to live up to grandma! I think she'll do just fine w/ that:)

Well, grandma would tell me to get on with my day and stop crying over her. It was her time to go, but it just doesn't seem fair here on earth that she won't be w/ us anymore and that all we have is the memories. But, I thank the LORD for all those great memories and that I got to know my amazing grandma as well as I did. I just feel like a 5 year old who was just told her grandma died, not the 27 year old I am. In the map of my life there is a huge empty pice missing, but it was a beautiful pice when it was still in the puzzle and it gives me hope that I might be as great a woman as she was.


Rae said...

Oh Tessa... what a beautiful post about Jane. And I am sorry she is gone. You are lucky to have known her such a long time and lived so close to her to have known her so well. These next days will be hard, you are all in my prayers.

Sharon Worman said...

Tessa, I'm so sorry for the loss of your grandma. Your writing was beautiful and made me feel like I really knew her. What a very special bond you had. When we lose someone so special to us, the ache in our heart is deep and takes a long time to start to heal. Be prepared for that. I will keep you in my prayers especially during the next few days, and also in the days and weeks ahead. It is a joy to know that she has just transferred now to her heavenly home and has seen the face of Jesus and begins the reaping of rewards that God has for her for her faithful service to Him while here on this earth. May God surround you with his love, comfort, peace, and presence now and in the days ahead Tessa, Matt and family. With sincere sympathy, Sharon Worman

Leigh said...

I'm so sorry to read about your loss. I'm sending out a prayer for you. XOXO.